Worst Jokes Ever

I hope death is a woman That way she'll never look at me twice

Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said: "To be continued."

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.

What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.

what's the worst thing to say to an emo?

if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.

Robin's gay.

There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"

"Wait! I can explain everything!"

Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?

Because every little helps!

Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?

Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.

What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

I like telling dad jokes.

He laughs at most of them.

I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.