Worst Jokes Ever
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah!
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.
Why do pedophiles always lose a race?
Because they come in a little behind.
I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣
What do altar boys and strippers have in common? Father issues.
What do the Spanish people call child abuse? Pedrophile.
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.
Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny's papers, she asked why he put the word "bank" in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word bank and that's one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
There's something on your chin... no, the 3rd one.
Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?
A: It rises every morning.
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.