Worst Jokes Ever

I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.

Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.

"Hee hee touched me."

Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.

Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.

What do you call a retard with a boner? A slowpoke.

What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?

They both came in a little behind.

What did the north tower say to the south tower?

"You're too young to smoke."

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."

There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."

What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.

How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.

Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?

My fish can break dance. Only for 20 seconds and only once.

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

What's the difference between a knife and my life?

A knife has a point.

I'm not saying I hate you, but if you got hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus.

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!