Worst Jokes Ever

Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.

Who reads the fastest?

The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.

I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized it was a waste of time!

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?

how do u make a emo kid jump? a bridge.

When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"

Woman two: "Did that work?"

Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?

It left him hanging.

I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."