Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a German lesbian?
A krautmuncher.
What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
Your forehead [is] so big that if I drew an H on it, Kobe could have landed there.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.
Which Roman emperor was a mouse? Julius Cheeser!
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but Chuck Norris does.
I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?