Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number.
What's Thanos' favorite game?
Half-life.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled children.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Chuck Norris gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop gets a ticket.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
The number 13? Not on my watch!