Worst Jokes Ever

What joke do you tell an orphan?

Knock knock...

Who's there?

Not your parents.

I saw a little kid on their bike before. So I ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

What do you call a sophisticated American?

A Canadian.

My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?

Ohhh, an owner.

My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.

I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.

What's the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish, it'll die.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.

I lost my case.

Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?

A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?

UNPROTECTED SEX.

What do you call an Asian prostitute?

Suck Mi Dong.

Do you know Putin?

Put in these balls in your mouth.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet.

He scares the shit out of it.

What do you call disabled people that follow politics?

A special interest group.

I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

Why is a moon rock tastier than an Earth rock?

Because it’s a little meteor.