Worst Jokes Ever
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
By rearranging the furniture.
I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?
Liam: I like you both.
Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to paris.
Mother: That's means you like dad more.
Liam: No, its because i like paris.
Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to America.
Mother: Why?
Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
Why is Black Panther every cop's worst nightmare?
He is a bulletproof black man.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
what's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.
Then the antidote becomes the most important.
I wasn’t staring, I was just trying to figure out if that was your hairline or the Great Wall of China.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Suck dick.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.
I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?
In an explosion.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.