Worst Jokes Ever
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down!
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
When Steven Hawking realizes heaven is only a stairway away.
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
What did one traffic light say to the other?
"Stop looking, I am changing."
Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. -- Against Medusa.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.
What is the favorite dish in Africa? The empty one.
New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
In tiny Knotsies.
Why cant asian parents have a white child? Cuz 2 wongs dont make a white
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."