Worst Jokes Ever
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
Jesus created the T-pose first.
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
Why do orphans like to play GTA?
Because it's the only time they are wanted.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic. Hehe.
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
What's the difference between yes and no...
Nothing.
A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.
A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"
She says, "I'm going to jump!"
The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"
The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"
The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."
I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...
Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
My girlfriend called me a "pedophile", and I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old."
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.
Simply because they look up to me.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen.
"Are those brownies I smell?" he asks.
"Indeed, they are," he was told.
"Gee," he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts!"
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."