Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.
If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.
It isn't any of those if it's suicide.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.
Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
What's the laziest mountain?
Mount Ever-rest.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
One day, an orphan threw a boomerang, and it didn’t come back like its parents.
Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
Why can't a t-rex clap?
Because it's dead.
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"