Worst Jokes Ever

My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."

So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.

What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?

I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself.

Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

My friend: Chunky dunks.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said "you know you wanna". Jill said yes, pulled down her dress, and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole?

She screamed until her hands got tired.

How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.

"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."

How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.

Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.

Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.

Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?

Then there is me: My life.

What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don't care if she has one.

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... oh wait.

One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."

I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.

What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.

What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.

Why do the French eat snails?

They don't like fast food.

Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."

How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.