Worst Jokes Ever
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."
Why can't the USA and England play chess?
USA has no towers and England has no queen.
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.
I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."
I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...
Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)
What do you call a pregnant slave? Buy one get one free.
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.
The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"
So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.
People claim that Trump has Russian ties.
FAKE NEWS!
All of Trump's ties are made in China.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...
My attempts in 2019, 2020, and 2021!
What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?
... A FLATLINE!
"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
I heard some twin brothers were going as buildings to the school costume contest, so I went as a plane. It didn't fly too well with people.