Worst Jokes Ever

How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?

When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.

A wild Iceberg appears! Titanic uses ram! It is not very effective. (Titanic sinks.)

Yo mama is so skinny, she can dodge raindrops.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

What joke do you tell an orphan?

Knock knock...

Who's there?

Not your parents.

I saw a little kid on their bike before. So I ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.

I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.

What's the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish, it'll die.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.

I lost my case.

My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?

Ohhh, an owner.

What do you call a sophisticated American?

A Canadian.

I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?

A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!

What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?

UNPROTECTED SEX.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.

Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.