Worst Jokes Ever
I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.
A person laughs every day.
"Man," they say, "I'm glad I'm not an egg, otherwise I'd just CRACK MYseLf uP!"
Orphan: Am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there.
Orphan: Realizes.
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
You smell like tap water and cornflakes.
Me: Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds.
Them: You're ugly.
Me: Sorry, I am not a mirror.
Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof.
What do you call an older white man surrounded by young black men in the 1800s?
Master.
What do you call an older white man surrounded by young black men in the 2000s?
Coach.
There are two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"
The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
Bitches be like, "Read the room."
What genre is that in?
Why does family love family?
Because everyone has their Friday night nut together.
What did the Twin Towers get when they ordered an extra large pepperoni pizza?
When the pizza man got there, all they got was plane.
What is one plus one?
It's TOO hard!
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.
Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.
I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.
I love working in an orphanage.
What does LMAO mean? Launching Missiles At Orphanages.
Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.
Friend: I don't know.
Me: A black market.