What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.
"Are you getting the knife?"
Roses are red, that much is true. But violets are purple, not fucking blue.
A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.
One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.
I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.
Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
What’s an abbreviation for school in America?
Shooting range.
Jokes just as dead as the victims.
I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."
Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"
Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"
What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?
Special forces.
Btw, I'm 13.
Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?
When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.
What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers.
I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
