Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a retard with a boner? A slowpoke.

One Erection would be a very nice name for a gay band.

Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?

Museum girl: Committing suicide.

Allan: What about Friday night?

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way.

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

A: So she can moan with the other.

What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Insomnia.

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...

Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"

Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"

When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."

What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?

I don't care if she has either.

Your hairline is so far back, Paw Patrol couldn't finish their mission.

I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...

Go commit neck rope.

Yesterday I was fucking my sister, and she said, "You fuck a lot like dad." I said, "Really? Mum said that too."

Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!

Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.

Person 1: Really?

Person 2: They're not even that deep.

I didn't come into the prostitution business...

It came into me.

Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.

Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.