Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.
What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.
What’s the difference between a kid with cancer and a dark humor joke?
They never get old.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
What is the difference between a cow and me?
Nothing.
Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.
Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”
Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”
My mom said you failed school. I said, "Don't be surprised, I'm a retard, Mom."
Why do orphans eat their cereal dry? Their dad hasn’t come back with the milk.
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
OWWWWWWWWWWW I JUST GOT A CUT ON MY BUTT. Oh wait, that’s always been there.
If an orange is called an orange, why isn’t a lemon called a yellow?
Yo mama so fat that she broke your computer!
lol
What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?
Milkshake.
What is green and blue?
Grass and the sky.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Who the f**k disliked my "yo mama" jokes? Comment now, b*tch!
Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?
He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.
I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"