Worst Jokes Ever
Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.
Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"
The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."
Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?
Just turn off the lights.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He just couldn't see that well.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of disabled children.
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
Richard: Mom, someone called me gay.
Richard's mom: Why didn't you slap him across his face?
Richard: No, I couldn't.
Richard's mom: Why?
Richard: Because he was cute.
What is Stephen Hawking's least favorite movie?
Standing Tall.
It's the season of giving, so I'll be giving up!
Who are the world's fastest readers?
The 9/11 suicide jumpers, they went through 110 stories in 5 seconds. Sorry.
How is the business in Ukraine? It's booming.
What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.
"Hee hee touched me."
Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.