Worst Jokes Ever

Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."

Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.

People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.

Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."

Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."

Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."

I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.

What does a relationship and suicide have in common?

I always fail on committing.

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

I wish my hair was depressed.

Cause then it would cut itself.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."

Kid: "Why are you doing that?"

Dad: "So you won't get bored there."

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess.

His family is nuts.

His neighbor is an asshole.

His best friend is a pussy.

And his owner beats him.

Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?

Students: Eggs.

Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?

Kids: Bacon.

Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?

Kids: Homework.

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.

I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.

What's a suicidal person's favorite game?

Hangman.

April Fool's joke: Go to an orphanage and tell them, "Their parents came back."

"Knock knock."

Orphan: "Who's there?"

"Not your parents."

What kind of experience does a feminist have?

Being a bitch.