Worst Jokes Ever
What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.
Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but Chuck Norris does.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross-country!!!
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
Jesus created the T-pose first.
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.