Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
Worst Jokes Ever
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
What are a group of depressed people called?
A suicide squad.
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work.
You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.
I got them red Gucci bracelets.
My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.
A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."
There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."
There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."
There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."
There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."
Then it all happened.
The fly dropped six inches.
The fish came up and caught the fly.
The bear came out and caught the fish.
The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.
The mouse went for the sandwich.
The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.
The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because when they spawned in a Minecraft world, all they got was plains.
Twin Towers ordered Little Caesars but they got jets.
Did anyone get my joke? It probably flew over your heads, oops I meant through.
I called a suicidal hotline in Iraq and they asked me if I could drive a truck.
Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?
Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.
Why did the police go to a baseball game?
Because a player stole the base.
I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.
I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
