Worst Jokes Ever
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.
What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded?
I can Nazi!
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?
It left him hanging.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
By rearranging the furniture.
what's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Suck dick.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.
Then the antidote becomes the most important.
Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.