Worst Jokes Ever

I'd tell a child abuse joke, but I forget the punchline.

Tonight, I picked up an anorexic prostitute.

It was really easy because she was only about 90 pounds.

Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?

A. A loaded potato.

Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.

That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"

Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

I was going to tell a ghost joke, but it just seemed so mean-spirited.

I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.

When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?

Spell "attic."

Okay. A-T-T-I-C. /a titi/ tata. I see.

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.

Anonymous: This guy reads everyone's jokes, but why doesn't he answer his mom?

1, 2 you built like a dork.

3, 4 you got no girl, 4, 5 you're shorter than a remote.

Your hairline goes so far back, your mom is scared you're not going to make friends.

Why was 6 afraid of 9?

Because 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!

Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?

Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.

Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.

He was fired from his job.

What's a homo's favorite planet?

Uranus.