Worst Jokes Ever
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
"I don't want to go on my at-home history."
- My friend, anon 2019.
Why can't blondes make ice?
They forgot the recipe.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One, if you throw it hard enough.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
Q: What's yellow and can't swim?
A: A school bus full of children.
I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.
What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?
One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.
Max Alexander Heart is adopted.
Evan David Sandri is gay and he is adopted.
"Hi, my name is Robert. I have no life. Even my PS4 username is gay lil_bama."
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
Why does the egg crack? Cos it's sad.
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?
"What's up?"
One day, this dad and his son went to a basketball factory, and the son said, "I want to buy some balls." The dad said, "What for?" The son said, "So you can have some balls."
God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.
His wife shut off the internet.