Worst Jokes Ever

And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?

I am gay.

Hey, can I tell you a joke about pencils? Never mind, it's pointless.

As you can see here, Jessie is wearing a lot of concealer.

Jessie?

Draw an accurate diagram representing the elephant genitalia. Use all 30 sheets of paper provided.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They never can make it home.

Mom! (DYM 7)

Lynx: For that cheap teenage smell of desperation.

When I give you the signal, I want you to roll down your window and call the oncoming cyclist a prick.

Why are grapes never alone?

Because they hang out in a bunch!

"You think THAT'S bad?!? Remember the time I was in Paris with Donny de Francovich?"

Why did the robot eat a lightbulb?

'Cause he was in need of a light snack!

Yurrrrrrr?

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, I'm just a burden.

Doin (DYM 8).

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

The toughest job I ever had was when I was selling doors, door-to-door.

Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.