Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?
Josef Vasicek.
Build your ex a fire, and they're warm for a day.
Set your ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence.
I'm a human.
What did the egg say to the other egg?
"You crack me up!" 😂
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”
One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”
Why is it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?
The damages are severe.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call them "daddy."
I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.
The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.
The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.
LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.
Why can't homeless people buy a house?
'Cause they live on the streets.
What are the similarities of an orphan and a water fountain?
They both sprout water.
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
What's the special part of town called? Downtown.
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
Why can't orphans go on field trips?
They don't have anybody to sign the form.
Guy on Fortnite: "Ima sleep with your mom lmao."
Orphan: Starts crying.
When an orphan takes a family photo, it's called a selfie.
Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.
Lucky for me I'm only 210.