Worst Jokes Ever
How do you know when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.
Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.
Why did Bob go to the store? To bob for apples.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
Why did Suzy fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Not Suzy.
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down!
How does the sea say hello?
It WAVES you.
SEA what I did there?
I'm SHORE you saw it.
Don't be SALTY!
Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?
Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.
How many people can jump higher than a mountain? None. Mountains can't jump.
Bird Box.
Why do you make fun of disabled people?
They can't stand up for themselves.
Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?
He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.
Why can't gay people play Baseball? They can't throw the ball straight.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Yo mama is so ugly, she makes the devil read the Bible.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.
If an athlete gets athlete's foot... What does an astronaut get? Mistletoe!