What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
Worst Jokes Ever
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.
What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.
What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.
Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.
Why do midgets work at Tesco?
Because every little helps.
When Covid spreads through food, but you realized you live in Africa.
Why did Michael Jackson go to jail? He was feeling a little Randy.
Why do orphans use water for cereal? Cause their dad never came back with the milk.
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
When an orphan takes a pic, is it known as a family picture? 📸
What is Hitler's favorite animal?
A dolphin.
A Muslim enters a building with 100 passengers and an airplane.
Your mama is so ugly, she tried summoning Candyman, but he refused to come!
Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?
Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."
What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
