Worst Jokes Ever
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
The depressed kid getting bullied.
The bully: "You are useless."
The depressed kid: "I know."
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.
What has 4 wheels, 2 legs, and loves his shoulder?
Stephen Hawking.
Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.
Did you know cannibals ate KFC?
Kentucky Fried Children.
How do you punish a blind guy?
You leave a plunger in the toilet.
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
Roses are red. Violets are too. You better run, I’m following you!
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.