Worst Jokes Ever

People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!

You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.

What is the New York fireman's favorite song?

It's raining men.

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't moan when you put meat in it.

Man: What's up?

Me: I'm annoyed.

Man: Why?

Me: I stole my gf's heart.

Man: So why are you annoyed?

Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.

Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?

A. Toothpaste.

What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?

- A baseball bat.

Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

Some people think incest jokes are funny.

I just think it's all relative.

What do incest families do on Halloween?

Pumpkin.

Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.

A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.

It didn't land too well.

What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded?

I can Nazi!

What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?

They both have barcodes.

Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."