Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.
What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
Why are eagles 🦅 bald?
Because they don’t wear wigs.
That dam looks damn cool!
Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.
If you're feeling mad, punch an autistic kid. What's he gonna do, blabber to the teacher?
A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.
Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”
What’s twelve inches and white?
Nothing.
A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"
Nickelback.
A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"
Why don't blind people like bungee jumping?
Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!
What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?
A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.
What if you put a scared homosexual guy and an angry homophobic guy inside a stable?
Hmm, let's see, if the homosexual guy has some good luck, maybe he will meet a super unicorn and help him out to defeat the angry homophobic guy :D
I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.
What do you say when Trump is still president during 2020? Magic!