Worst Jokes Ever

What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.

Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.

Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.

Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?

It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.

Yo mama so ugly, she went to the bathroom and scared the sh*t out of the toilet.

What did the woman on the beach say to Michael Jackson? Hey, get out of my sun!

What's the difference between a Mexican and a frog?

One jumps in ponds, the other leaps over the border. :)

What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?

A microtransaction.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.

What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I'm home!

Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?

I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems... if I could just get the right people to try it.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.

What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman? Batman returns.

Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

Son: A ugly girl.

Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

Son: A pretty one might run away.

Dad: So an ugly one might too.

Son: Yeah, but who cares?