Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.
I apologize for my grammar.
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.
My friend has a dry sense of humor.
Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men toes.
Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.
Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.
Little Johnny: What are you doing?
Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.
Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.
What is the New York fireman's favorite song?
It's raining men.
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?
One baby in three trashcans.
What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?
When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
Why is Sam Ryan a redditor? Because he is.
Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.