Worst Jokes Ever
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?
To get his RHYMES in TUNE.
We shouldn't call gay guys "fucking cunts" because they aren't fucking cunts, they're fucking assholes.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.
Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.
“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"
“Yes," replied Hodja.
“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.
Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.
The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.
“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"
“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."
Arik? (Not a joke.)
BlessedBrian's family reunions must be like a casting call for the Addams Family.
Who is the least young Dave?
Dave-on.
Eons it takes to Daveon the haters.
Why did Daveon go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
How does Daveon like his coffee? Decaf-eon.
What's Daveon's favorite type of music? Daveon-core.
Why did Daveon decide to become a magician? Because he wanted to make his problems "Daveon" disappear.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.