Worst Jokes Ever
So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3
Why do orphans go to church? Because they can finally call someone "father."
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?
A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.
Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*
Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone? He got hit by a bus.
A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:
Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?
Why can't Michael Jackson ever win in a race? Because he always comes in a little behind.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
What game did Al-Qaeda play with the Twin Towers on September 11th, 2001? Jenga.
What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?
"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.