Worst Jokes Ever
Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."
Hi, I...
Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.
The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.
Chuck Norris doesn't fly on airplanes.
Airplanes fly on Chuck Norris.
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
So he could get into high school.
Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?
Can I push your stool in for ya?
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.
Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.
Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.
*in the hospital*
Paralyzed kid: I'm out!
*walks out the room*
Blind kid: You can walk?!
Mute kid: You can see?!
Deaf kid: You can talk?!
Doctor: Wut the f**k?
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.
Life has ups and downs, and they had downs.
Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"