Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.

An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"

His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.

He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"

"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"

"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."

  • 4

    • What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?

    The bear has common sense not to fire it.

  • 2

    • What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?

    Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

    So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

    But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

    So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

    This was the best day of my life.

    This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

  • 2

    • I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.

    Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”

    Welp, that’s it.

  • 0

    • Teacher: Don’t run into the road!

    Down syndrome: Weeeeee!

    Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.

  • 0

    • What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?

    When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.

  • 0

    • Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

    You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."

  • 1

    • A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.

    The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"

  • 0

    • A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.

    A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.

  • 1

    • A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

    He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"

  • 6

    • The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.

  • 2

    • A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers.”

    She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

    To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

  • 0