Worst Jokes Ever

If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)

Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.

What do you call a titan that can't swim?

TITANic

One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.

It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"

Your forehead is so big you could land a plane on it.

What do you call an epileptic kid?

Little Seizures.

Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.

This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.

To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.

What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?

Magic Johnson.

3+3=****

I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.

KSI driving ability.

Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?

They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.

Who would win?

The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,

Or one horny Henry?

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she was hit by a bus.

I'll turn ya nan into bonemeal.