Worst Jokes Ever

I love big hot sexy men.

Helen threw up gang signs her whole life and didn't know.

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.

He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."

But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"

Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."

Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

Why did the Titanic sink? Because it saw an iceberg selling candy.

Why did the Titanic sink? It's because they didn't want the icebergs' candy.

What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek?... You crack me up.

I rate my dad as a pilot 9 out of 11.

When they said Titanic was "unsinkable," then they said, "The World Trade Centers was uncollapsible."

What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you told them twice.

You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?

He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.

Gays are always welcome on my Redneck Party Bus. NOT!

You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, Here's hoping you do too.

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

What do orphans want to get for Christmas?... A mother.

What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?

It's funnier when kids get it.

Why can't an orphan live peacefully?

Technoblade: As a ghost, he could locate all orphans within 2 weeks.

Papyrus: Sans! I heard that a HUMAN has fallen!

Sans: And you gotta bone to pick with 'em?

What is the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.