Worst Jokes Ever

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.

I have done a ton of work. A skele-ton.

If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.

Why can't orphans play on a computer?

'Cause they have no motherboard.

We better stop telling orphan jokes because their parents will get mad. Oh... wait... never mind.

What is the definition of fellatio?

Auto masturbation.

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people. You're much worse than that.

Yo mama so fat when she sits down, she sits next to everyone!

A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"

The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."

My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?

"Hi, nice to meet you."

I feel bad for the people who were born on April 1.

Their life is a joke.

What do you call a Chinese assassin?

Chinese takeout.

Why do gay men hate periods?

They prefer Collins.

What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?

I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.

The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.

What do you call a fat chick with a rape whistle?

Optimistic.