Worst Jokes Ever
Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?
Blood is red.
Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?
I make science puns periodically.
I wrote a passage to stop about bullying, and it was easy. Do you know why?
Because I am a bully!
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You dress her up as an altar boy.
What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?
Georgie floated!
Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
Why can’t dinosaurs cross the road?
Because they’re dead.
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?
'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.
"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
Where do you find white people on a bench?
- The NBA.
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
What kinds of apples grow on trees?
All of them.
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
What’s worse than Sally in one trash can?
Sally in 13 trash cans.