Worst Jokes Ever
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
Why did the Mushroom get invited to so many parties?
He was a fungi!
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"
Smack an orphan, what’s he gonna do... tell his parents?
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
"Don't worry, you can keep the tip."
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.
Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.
Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.
My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.
Flippity floppity, women are property.
Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.
What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with flat armbands!
A common question I get as a doctor is, do vaccines cause autism? Well!, I was vaccinated, so.....
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?
“Because they always wanted a daddy.”
What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
Yo mama's so fat, she works in the movie theater as a screen.