Worst Jokes Ever
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?
Only one of them is scared.
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?
What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?
They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
Shoot.
Why did the family move away?
Because they lost their son.
What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
What do ants and Michael Jackson have in common? They go in kids' pants.
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
What do you call a two-dimensional owl? A Paper Towl!
What kind of cars do Mexicans drive?
A Juanda.
Me: *makes Chuck Norris meme*
Internet: *all the other memes are dead now*
Me: Well, shit.
One time I ate a chair.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
What did the chef on the Titanic scream as he tried to finish the dishes? "Oh no, the sink sank!"