Worst Jokes Ever
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
Q: How did the explorers get to school?
A: They rode the Colum-bus!
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
When there’s an earthquake, coffins become underground maracas.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he forgot to plug in the charger.
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
Joe mama so fat when she went to the movies, she sat next to everybody.
Joe mama so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time, please."
Joe mama so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
Yo mama is so fat, when she took a walk, she made an earthquake!
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!
I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle.
So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle.
So THEN I bought a LED whistle but it steel wooden LED me whistle.
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.