Worst Jokes Ever
If I had a dollar for every gender, I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.
What do you call Stephen Hawking's wife? Siri.
There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.
Spell IHOP, now say 'ness' at the end... 😂 ...I ate your penis!
I hate stairs, they're always up to something.
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't know where home is.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs closed.
Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
Why is there AC in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
I added Paul Walker on my Xbox, but all he does is sit on the dashboard.
Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"
My Japanese friend told me a Pearl Harbor joke. I told him he bombed it.
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.