Worst Jokes Ever
I love big hot sexy men.
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!
Why was it cold in Stephen Hawking's house?
Because he had a new window open...
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
What's Hitler's favorite Yu-Gi-Oh card?
BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON
Dark humour : hell!!! Aren't people racist!!!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them.
Your fat!
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food?
His shoulder.
Yo mama so fat! When she jumps into a pool, NASA found water on Mars!
A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building. Which one will land first?
The redneck because the blonde will ask for directions.
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.
Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?
Because 511472.
What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?
The child has no trouble shooting.
How do fish get to school?
On a octobus.
Lol.
They say nothing is impossible, but I've been doing nothing all day.
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window, and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down, and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.