Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?
Incest.
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
Why was the Koala Bear so clever?
Because he had good koalifications!
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Curiosity killed the cat.
But for a while, I was a suspect.
Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Snow balls.
Why is the sun mad at the clouds?
The clouds keep throwing shade.
What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
"Deja moo!"
What do you call a friendly noise? A sound wave.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.