Worst Jokes Ever
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
Asian pregnancy test:
Stick a Rubix cube into pussy.
Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."
The Middle Ages were called the dark ages because there were too many knights.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.
What do you call a man with a curly toe?
Carlito.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”
“No.”
“Neither have they.”
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.
But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
"Consent is just some fucked up feminist propaganda."
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf, and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.