Worst Jokes Ever
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
What’s the difference between a feminist and a rock?
A rock can break a glass ceiling.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
Taco Bell going out of business.
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
What is the octopus's favorite shape?
An octagon.
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they can't change anything.
My Japanese friend told me a Pearl Harbor joke. I told him he bombed it.
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Stephen Hawking.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.
A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.
What will you call Burj Khalifa after 100 years?
"Bujurg" Khalifa. (Just a joke)