Worst Jokes Ever
I swear I always finish on page 3 when I'm looking at family pictures.
How do you make a lesbian upset?
Give her a multiplication test.
What did the robber say to the clock?
Hands up!
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, a herd," her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"
Don't let an extra chromosome keep you down!
I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.
Wanna know why Kobe can't shoot?
Because he's dead.
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, Here's hoping you do too.
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"
Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.
You were supposed to be born in the tree.
The sticks were your siblings.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
Why are short people so angry?? Cause they're closer to hell.
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the beach?
Because she can’t hear the sea.
What do you call Tarzan when he swings through the trees backwards?
Nazrat.