Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.
Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?
Because 511472.
What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?
The child has no trouble shooting.
How do fish get to school?
On a octobus.
Lol.
They say nothing is impossible, but I've been doing nothing all day.
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window, and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down, and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?
Incest.
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
Why was the Koala Bear so clever?
Because he had good koalifications!
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Curiosity killed the cat.
But for a while, I was a suspect.
Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.