Worst Jokes Ever
Why can Elsa hold a balloon? She will "Let It Go"!
Why did the cop show up early to the protest? To beat the crowd.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”
Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?
All his comebacks take three days.
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?
After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.
What does Micheal Jackson and a rock have in common?
They are both hard.
Yo mama so fat when she went to the movie theater, she sits next to everyone.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.
The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.
The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”
The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”