Best Jokes - Page 158 - Worst Jokes Ever

Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?

Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?

Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?

What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?

Splattered.

Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:

Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?

You shouldn’t bully fat people.

They already have enough on their plate.

JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"

What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.

Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.

What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.

What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

What game did Al-Qaeda play with the Twin Towers on September 11th, 2001? Jenga.

Q: What do you call an orphan's family tree?

A: A stump.

I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...

It was impossible to put down.

What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?

"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"

Why is the orphan failing all his classes? He can't do homework.

They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0

What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.

It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.