Worst Jokes Ever
A rooster ran across the border from the USA to Canada and laid an egg. Which country does that egg belong to?
Roosters don't lay eggs.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
What did Cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing...
How many babies does it take to light up a basement?
I don't know, my basement is still dark.
There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each was granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said, "I wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
It says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
What's a homeless person's favorite cookie?
Pooreos.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a book?
The book has papers.
Cleveland Browns
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What is the difference between Trump and a flying pig? The letter F.
What’s made of wood and is zig zag shaped?
Stephen Hawking's coffin.
Your momma is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!
What do you call all down syndromes?
Twins.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”