Worst Jokes Ever
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance party? Because he had NOBODY to dance with.
Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?
Because he is DEAD.
Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them? In case they bypassed the Milky Way!
If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
What happens when a furry takes over Nazi Germany?
The Furred Reich.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
Stephen Hawking always wins musical chairs, as he’s always sitting down.
Stephen Hawking:
Q: Who Made Stephen Hawkins' Wheel Chair?
A:) Tesla
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
Skidaddle skidoodle, your dick is now a noodle!
These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.
My sex life.
Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
What's a rapist's favorite scale?
C Minor.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
Don't break someone's heart because they only have one; instead, break their bones... they have 206.
Justin: Hey.
Josh: Hey man.
Justin: Why only "man"?
Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.
Justin: I don't mind.
Josh: Okay, S L A V E.
Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"