Worst Jokes Ever
When do astronauts eat lunch?
At launch time.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
What's Gru's favorite Beyoncé lyric? "Who run the world... Gorls."
I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years in a basement.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.
What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?
The cow didn’t make it.
Dark humor is just like food, not everybody gets it.
What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.
Your spelling is more morbid than any of these jokes.
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
An Irish guy walks out of a bar....
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.