Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
Patient: Oh, doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both shove their meat between 10-year-old buns.
What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.
Trump, must I say more?
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
Cancer is like a video game.
Some people cannot beat it.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
Stephen Hawking is not dead; he just needs to charge.
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
What do you call a Mexican that smokes weed? A baked bean.
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
What's the best thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
These are all really nice jokes, but here is one.
Boy: Spell ME.
Girl: M-E.
Boy: You forgot the D.
Girl: There is no D in ME.
Boy: Not yet.
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”