Worst Jokes Ever
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?
She was on fire.
What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.
1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"
Beans
Why does the queen move more than a king on the chessboard?
Because it looks like a kitchen floor.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.
Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
9/11... 911... COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT!
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
What's got 6 legs, 3 arms, and 3 heads?
The finish line at the Boston marathon.
Boner.