Worst Jokes Ever
I wish I could kill my family, but you realize you're an orphan.
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
How do you get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
“What happens to an Asian man when he runs into a brick wall with an erection?”
“A broken nose.”
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
What's black and sitting in a chair? Steven Hawking after a house fire.
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
Was gonna make a gay joke but fuck... Cum on guys.
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
What's brown and hurts your teeth?
A chocolate?
No. A baseball bat in my hands.
In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
What is the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin.
Why is the moon always hungry? It is almost never full.
So, a bear and a rabbit are in a field. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Does your poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No." Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.