Worst Jokes Ever
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
Why the f was my shooting joke removed? It was funny, and this is obviously a website for morbid humor. WTF, I mean, worstjokesever.com. Come on...
I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka.
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years in a basement.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
Dark humor is just like food, not everybody gets it.
What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?
The cow didn’t make it.
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
What's Gru's favorite Beyoncé lyric? "Who run the world... Gorls."
When do astronauts eat lunch?
At launch time.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.
Fat, mean, and probably inbred.
I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.
Wanna know what is offensive? I don't know, ask feminist (sans undertale).