Worst Jokes Ever
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
what's the difference between a feminist and a knife?
one has a point.
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.
I had a fun funeral / birthday.
His name rhymes with walking and talking, but he can’t do either.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?
He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
Bippity Boppity Bill Cosby!
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"But I'm not dead yet!"
"But we're not there yet."
Bend over and spell run.
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
What is black and white and is dead?
My Chemical Romance.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!