Worst Jokes Ever
Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?
He won't separate the whites from the colors...
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?
He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
Bend over and spell run.
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"But I'm not dead yet!"
"But we're not there yet."
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
What is black and white and is dead?
My Chemical Romance.
Bippity Boppity Bill Cosby!
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
God's racist. He separated light from dark.
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?
You better not lay a finger on her!
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.