Worst Jokes Ever
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
What joke could orphan's never understand?
Your Mom jokes.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!
Me: Just like me.
Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.
What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?
I am not registered.
Why can't Asians play baseball?
Because they ate all the bats!
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay.
He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.
When was the biggest BBQ in history? Hiroshima, August 6, 1945.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?
A: I'd hit that.
What do you call an autistic black man with a rifle?
Black ops.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
What school does a depressed middle school kid go to?
KMS.
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!