Worst Jokes Ever
I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...
Stephen Hawking was one of the best scientists ever. Now he's walking up the steps of he... No, he's not walking up the steps of heaven.
Sans: Zzzzzzzz.
Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it, dude?
Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
Hillary Clinton
God's racist. He separated light from dark.
What did the pornstar say to the unemployed homeless man?
Get a fucking job.
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?
Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?
Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.
Yo mama so ugly that when she was born, the doctor looked at her face, then at her butt and said, "Twins!"