Worst Jokes Ever
What is the highest number?
420.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a dead pedophile? Nothing.
This is to the girl/boy named Gwen: Are you okay? I see there is a bunch of haters but DON'T, I repeat, DON'T let the haters get to you. I hope you see this and respond and that you are okay. Please Gwen, be honest.
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!