Worst Jokes Ever

Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.

I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

Here's how to piss off all of North America.

All the United States is, is South Canadia.

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.

Where do sick boats go? The dock!

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

Boner.

Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"

Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"

Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

At least when I fucked it.

Being raped until feminists are offended and butthurt.

What is Africa's most famous sport?

The Hunger Games.

What did the cowboy say to the girl on the beach?

"Sandy cheeks."

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.