Worst Jokes Ever

Two windmills were standing in a wind farm. One asked, "What's your favorite type of music?" The other one replied... "I'm a big metal fan."

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"

"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?

Johnny was deaf.

So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)

Why did potassium draw a tear that would result in him crying?

Because all of his friends argon.

Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost?

Harlem, New York.

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."

Chuck Norris: "I block bullets with my beard." Abraham Lincoln: "I catch bullets with my skull."

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."

Ring ring.

Abortion clinic!

Where no fetus can beat us.

Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.

What's black and white?

History.

How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.

My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.

What feature does an orphan's phone not have?

A home button.

Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

What did the paintings name their daughter?

Palette.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is.