Worst Jokes Ever
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
Kenny was into incest until his mom died.
Now he's into necrophilia.
What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
Knock knock! Who's there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!
Why can't you tell anyone about space?
Because it's too out of this world!
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
What goes black, white, black, white, down a hill?
A fat nun.
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
School reminds me of a penis. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.