Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."