Worst Jokes Ever

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.

"Have you taken a bath?"

"No. Why, did one go missing?"

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?

One gets picked.

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.

Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.

I told the emo girl to stop playing fruit ninja on her wrists.

What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?

They both smell like "Teen Spirit."

I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.

What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."

Ariana Grande had 7 husbands, so she had 7 rings.

What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

140 calories.

Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.

Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”

“Under my bench,” he replies.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.

Article 1: the Titanic is practically unsinkable.

Article 4: the Titanic sank.

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.

Why did you go depressed?

Because you’re you.