Worst Jokes Ever
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom, but then the autistic kid next to you's sketchers light up.
Incest.
When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.
What's black and white?
History.
How are mountains able to see?
They peak!
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Thanos snapped.
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?
He had an affair with Alexa.
What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?
You can't beat a cheetah!
Why did the Columbine High School basketball team lose the big game?
Because they lost their two best shooters...
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
The redneck virgin.
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.
What do you call a rich white man? Cracker with Cheese!
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.
What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?
An Amish Mechanic.
Why does Mexico not have a good athletics team? Because anyone who can run or jump is already over the wall.
what is the fastest land animal? the last chicken in a Kenyan village.