Worst Jokes Ever

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

Papyrus ran headfirst into a windmill. Guess you can call him a bonehead.

Why can’t Jesus eat M&Ms? They keep falling through his hands.

What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50, that fuckin' whore.

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."

For all of my musicians out there!

There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

What did the lawyer name his twins?

COURTney and CASEy.

When is a piece of wood made king?

When it's a ruler.

Person 1: "Where was Hiroshima?"

Person 2: "In Japan."

Person 1: "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."

What do you call a banana eating a banana?

Canabananalism.

Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"

Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"

What do you call a bee’s love?

Honey.

What are three things you can't give a black guy?

A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.

What do you call a depressed tree?

A wood cutter.

Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.

How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?

A blender.

How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?

A straw.

Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."

Father: "Sorry."