Worst Jokes Ever
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
A girl goes to a Church to confess.
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?
A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.
I like my women like I like my wine. 16 and locked in my in a basement.
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.
Why did the orphan go to church?
To hear some "foster" parenting advice.
I Googled "How to start a Wildfire." It gave me 28,452 matches.
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
What has four legs and one arm? A doberman at the playground.