Worst Jokes Ever
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
Why can’t pedophiles ever win races? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
Why did the feminist kill herself?
Because she was TRIGGERED.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
I hate snow. It's white and on my land.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
Why was the sun ☀️ mad at the clouds ☁️?
Because the clouds kept throwing shade.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.