Worst Jokes Ever
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.
Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
Any joke that I make about 9/11 has a tendency to crash and burn.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. Why? I don't know Y.
What is a briefcase?
A short lawsuit.
When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.
Why can't orphans have babies?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
Why are orphans not boomerangs? Because they never come back.
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )
How to make an orphan's hands hurt: Make them clap their hands till their parents come back.
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said, "Okay class, what's behind my back?" She said, "It's round and red," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's an apple!" And the teacher said, "No, but I like where you're going with this." So now the teacher said, "It is also used to make multiple things," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's a container of paint!" And the teacher said, "Again, no, but I like where you're going with this." And the teacher said, "It's a ball of yarn," as she pulled it out from behind her back. Then Little Johnny said, "Okay, my turn." He said, "What's in my pocket? It's round and it has a head." And the teacher said, "That's enough, Johnny, now sit down." And Little Johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said, "It's a nickel, but I like where you're going with this."
Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.