Worst Jokes Ever
What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.
What does a house wear?
A dress.
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
What is a gay person’s favourite meal?
Willy con carne.
Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.
Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.
What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.
Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill? To get to the bottom!
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
"'There is no God.' - Stephen Hawking (2011)
'There is no Stephen Hawking.' - God (2018)"
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Microchips.